A new season

Yesterday, I was released from being a Seminary teacher and was called to be in the Primary Presidency. Yesterday the life that I have known for the last two years has closed. It was something that I have prayed for for awhile. I was exhausted. My body, spirit, and soul were breaking down. I needed to recover. On my last day of teaching and as I stood to be released, I was overcome with emotion. I cried alot. But the Lord knows me, he knows my needs and I have been so blessed. Seminary has rocked my world on so many different levels. I have pretty much lived and breathed Seminary.

What will I do with all my extra time?

 I'm excited to see what happens with my future.

This past week there have been so many things that have come up that have allowed me to seriously think about my future. CB and I have talked about it extensively and I am excited for all the different possibilities. A family? School? School in a different state?

CB is the best partner to have along on this ride. When I mentioned school he mentioned applying to a program that I felt fit for, even if it was out of state. "Oh Layla, I can go wherever! Let's go to NYC!" 

Yup. I am so damn lucky.

Proud List

A couple years back, I read Nie Nie's proud list and I have been thinking about my own proud list ever since. My proud list is important to me, because I do have moments in my life that I am not proud of. Whenever I am frustrated or down, I think of my list and it reminds me of how far I have come. I know that being proud gets a bad reputation, but sometimes moments of pride are needed and it is healthy.

* I am proud to be a Mormon. More specifically I am at peace with my religion because I have been able to question things that I don't understand. For awhile I struggled with my faith, but I have come to the conclusion that Mormonism is not just black and white, you can have thoughts and ideas and grow in the gospel.
* I am proud to be a Seminary teacher. This calling has pushed me to levels that I didn't think I could ever reach. It has kicked my trash numerous times and I have survived.
* I am proud that I graduated with a BA from Brigham Young University. Receiving my diploma was one of the greatest moments of my life.
* I am proud that I waited  to have children. In the last eight years I have learned so much about myself, my spouse, and the type of life I want to provide for my future family. (no this is not an announcement)
* I am proud that we are consumer debt free. We both worked hard to not have any student loans, not to depend on credit cards and manage our finances carefully. Everything that we own, we were able to obtain and buy for ourselves. I am by no means saying that if you have had to go the opposite route than us than you are below us. You have to do what is right for you. For me and my husband, we were both terrified of being in debt. The largest debt that we have acquired  is our mortgage and it has kicked us in the trash. In the last three years we have been aggressively paying it off.
* I am proud that I have traveled the world alone. Both times that I went abroad alone, I was able to reflect and think about my life and where it is headed.
* I am proud of the man that I married. He blows me away. I don't know how I got so lucky. He has been nothing but kind, gracious, strong and hard working in all manners of his life.
* I am proud that I stepped in to the unknown and allowed myself to meet with a therapist, nutritionist, and a doctor to help me heal from my body image and emotional issues.
* I am proud that in the last six months I have not binged, purged, or taken laxatives as a form of dieting. It was a path that I have known for the majority of my life.
* I am proud that I don't know my weight and that I handed over my scale.
* I am proud that I can run really long distance and endure. The body that I have despised for so many years is able to do things that I didn't know it could do. It is strong and healthy and I am grateful for it.
* I am proud that I can now look at myself naked in the mirror.
* I am proud that I am a straight Mormon ally. I want to try my best to understand and to make sure that everyone is felt loved and cared for, regardless of their sexual orientation.
* I am proud that I voted for Barack Obama and I plan on voting for him again.
* I am proud of my rich Middle Eastern heritage and that I was able to experience life in the Middle East.
* I am proud that I have a job that I like and that I can feel productive and help contribute to our finances.  I love the fact that I have made all the payments for the car that I drive.
* I am proud that I have a better relationship with my father and my sister.
* I am proud that I kept my maiden name when I got married and added a new name to the mix. Having four names is bad A.
* I am proud that I have made an effort to better my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for prayer and meditation. I am grateful for the knowledge of his unconditional love. When all else seems to fail, that one piece of knowledge keeps me going.

Inspire

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. -Steve Jobs

One Day

The other day while I was driving home from work, I heard a commercial by Sono Bello that made me grip the steering wheel a little harder and my eyes began to burn with tears. Basically the commercial was of this girl who said how much she hated her body and she couldn't be in a swimsuit or shorts in front of others because she was embarrassed of herself. She then said that she went to Sono Bello and they were able to fix her, she was now beautiful. She said that she now doesn't feel ashamed and because of her fixed body, all her friends went to Sono Bello and asked for the Sarah package.

I am that girl who has insane body image issues who is fighting a long hard battle. It makes me so angry to know that society/media/WHATEVER has told me and you that we need to be fixed. We have been told that we can't be happy, we can't be good people and we should be ashamed of ourselves because of our images. The sad thing is that from the age of 14, I have believed them, every single word.

One day I hope to have the life that Emma Thompson has described. Go here for more info on the Endangered Species Summit.

Surreal

Sorry for the lack of posts, my mind has been occupied with other matters. This past weekend my family experienced a tragedy, a lose of a loved one and it made my whole weekend a bit chaotic. While it is not directly related to me, I felt shocked and the only way I was left to deal with it was to keep myself occupied. At one point I found myself sitting in Barnes and Nobel writing out my thoughts just so I can get them out of my system. I guess I have a hard time comprehending death. I asked C.B. several times how he would have dealt with it. I mean how do you guys deal with news that is shocking? Does it leave you numb and speechless the way it did me?

If I've learned anything from this experience, it's to make sure that you let people know that you care and love them. I have plenty of regrets in regard to this situation and I know that I just need to let them go. I can't change the things that happened or my actions.

If you guys believe in prayer, good vibes, whatever, they would be greatly appreciated. Please send them to my family. Much love!

The Things I Know

I am a pretty simple person and I have a hard time expressing my feelings clearly, but there are some things that I am absolutely sure of.

I know that my Father in Heaven loves me, I am his child, his creation.

I know that there are simple events that have happened in my life that give undoubtable proof of my Father's love. 

I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. He died so that I may be able to return to be in the presence of my Father in Heaven.

I know that my Savior mourns when I mourn. He is there to lift me up through my burdens. No trial or sorrow will he forsake me.

I know that through the power of the resurrection which was made possible through the atonement, I will be able to rise up from the grave and conquer death. I will live again! This brings great comfort and peace to me.

I know that my Savior lives. He is risen! Death is conquered; man is free. Christ has won the victory!




"He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, Saying, The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again. And they remembered his words." (Luke 24:5-8)

Get Swabbed

This week I sent in my DNA swab kit to become registered as a bone marrow donor. It was pretty simple to do and no pain was involved! To learn more facts and to become a bone marrow donor, visit the DKMS website.

I registered in honor of the lives of two little boys that were saved because of a bone marrow transplant. You and I and so many others could potentially save a life. Go register! You won't regret it.

Not Asked

When C.B. and I first got married we lived in a tiny apt near the Provo River Trail. It was a nice apt and we both felt that it was in a safe part of town.

Then I worked at the court house and heard all about several attack that happened really close to my apt. Like 100 feet or so from my apt door. The attacks were sexually based and women were the targets.

I was a paranoid mess the whole entire time. I never went home alone. I didn't leave my apt after a certain time. I felt like I lived in a prison. I was grateful that we were able to move after C.B. graduated.

Last year, a girl was brutally attacked and raped along the same trail that my old apt was located at. She too lived at the same apt complex that we used to live at and was going to school in BROAD DAYLIGHT. The trail that she was taking is heavily trafficked during the day and I am sure she felt safe on it. She was not dressed provocatively. It was not late at night. She did nothing to put her self in danger.

But here is the thing? What if she was dressed provocatively? What if it was at night? So what? No one ever deserves to be raped. No one ever asks to be raped. Why do we as a society constantly say that woman should take self defense classes, women should be more careful, blah blah blah?? Why are we condoning and tolerating men's violence towards women for so long? It is not OK!

In 2/3 of rapes, the victim usually knows the attacker. They are usually comfortable with the person and feel that they are "safe" with them. Many times, rapes are not reported for that very reason. They tend to blame themselves for the attack. Comments like "I must of led him on" or "he seemed like a creep but I wanted to give him a chance" are often heard. Sexual assaults are NEVER the victims fault.  Any shame that a victim should feel should be the shame that the attacker should feel, not the victim.

Recently,  I learned that a family member of mine was brutally attacked and raped by a man that she knew. He drugged, beat her and tortured her in every way possible. When I heard the news, I was heartbroken and angered by it. She did not deserve what happened to her. She has a long road of recovery ahead of her.

As a society, we need to change the idea of what "normal" is. We shouldn't patronize the victim and say "you should have done this" or "you should have not been there." It is never the victims fault. We need to hold the attackers accountable for their actions. Enough is enough.

Theme

The 2011 LDS youth theme is the 13th Article of Faith.

VIA

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Ever since I could remember, this particular article has been my favorite. This year I decided I need to have a theme of sort to remind me of when I get lost or preoccupied with things that are not relevant.  In 2011 I plan on to endure when things don't go as mapped out; I plan on seeking out good wholesome things; and I will only surround myself with things that result in making me happy and feel good about who I am.

I will no longer read blogs that make me roll my eyes, surround myself with negative people, or other elements that stir emotions of anger or frustration and make me feel less worth than I am. I need to learn to stop comparing myself to others; that idea is the one thing that destroys me more than anything.  Oh pride.

I'm really excited to turn a new leaf over and work on my downfalls. 2011 will be good....even if we have to pay freakin' taxes this year.

Choose This Day

Last week drained me and has made me quite somber. With the events that happened last weekend in Arizona and with the news of one of TCB's (short for The Cute Boy) coworkers/friends suddenly dying at the age of 29, the though about how short our time really is on this earth has been with me non-stop.

It was my week to teach Seminary and the whole week we focused on Section 76 of the Doctrine and Covenants (for those who don't know, this section talks in depth about the after-life). For the life of me I couldn't figure out how to teach it creatively. The doctrine is pretty heavy and I stuck with the manual to be safe. I was convinced that I could totally rock this lesson, the manual was straight forward, I would be ok.

There were a lot of questions, really really good thoughtful questions from my students. And there were a lot of blank stares with "I don't know" from me. Yikes, I have so so much to learn. They completely caught me off guard. I was completely humbled.

By Friday I was exhausted by all the "I don't know" that I dished out and I wanted to end the week by not so much talking on my behalf. So we watched this amazing video that went with the lesson. If anything, I hope that my students know that life is short and we should make SOMEDAY, today.

Resolution 2011

I kinda failed a little when it came to my 2010 resolutions, but in my defense, I  wrote that list before I had a job. Just sayin' folks.

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I'm excited about my 2011 resolutions. It's all about trying to make 2011 as awesome as it can get.

• Complete 10 items off of my must do before turning 30 list. 
• Travel, travel, travel! (Hawaii, Utah, Louisiana,NYC, Portland, DC)
  
• Run in at least 3 more races. (I ran two :/)
• Begin training for a 1/2 marathon. (fail!)
• Drink more water. Lots 
• Pray often and read my scriptures often.
• Go to the temple at least once a month. (semi fail. I started strong then I got lazy)
• Become coupon savvy and learn ways to save money (you know, so I can spend the money I saved on travel). (Yeah right!)
• Read more books. (I joined 3 book clubs!)
  
• Make new friends. Have parties, invite people over for dinner, game nights, etc. (Semi win! I did it more than the year before!)
• Blog more. Make a blog schedule and stick to it.
• Organize. If I don't use it, get rid of it. 
• Finish my mormon.org profile page.
• Take lots of pictures.  
• Be the best Seminary teacher that I can be. Find ways to help my students grow in the gospel. 
• Shop in my closet. Create new outfits from the clothes that I already have. 
• Be kinder to myself and to others. Find good in everyone that I encounter. The Cute Boy is a master of this and has been a great example to me. I tend to be super judgmental, I need to work on that.

What's on your list? Seriously, I am so so excited for this year. I can't wait to see what it has to offer!

The Shepherd

Lately I have been thinking about where I fit in in the whole grand scheme of things. I've been reevaluating aspects of my life, relationships with others, and what is really important to me.  I have especially been focusing on my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I'll be honest, I have been lacking on my part. I've let little things take over my time and have slacked on the more important things. But it is quite incredible to me that no matter how much I lack on my part, I am still important to my Father in heaven.

I read this talk about a year ago and the story that Elder John R. Lasater shared has stuck with me since reading it.

Some years ago, it was my privilege to visit the country of Morocco as part of an official United States government delegation. As part of that visit, we were invited to travel some distance into the desert to visit some ruins. Five large black limousines moved across the beautiful Moroccan countryside at considerable speed. I was riding in the third limousine, which had lagged some distance behind the second. As we topped the brow of a hill, we noticed that the limousine in front of us had pulled off to the side of the road. As we drew nearer, I sensed that an accident had occurred and suggested to my driver that we stop. The scene before us has remained with me for these many years.

An old shepherd, in the long, flowing robes of the Savior’s day, was standing near the limousine in conversation with the driver. Nearby, I noted a small flock of sheep numbering not more than fifteen or twenty. An accident had occurred. The king’s vehicle had struck and injured one of the sheep belonging to the old shepherd. The driver of the vehicle was explaining to him the law of the land. Because the king’s vehicle had injured one of the sheep belonging to the old shepherd, he was now entitled to one hundred times its value at maturity. However, under the same law, the injured sheep must be slain and the meat divided among the people. My interpreter hastily added, “But the old shepherd will not accept the money. They never do.”

Startled, I asked him why. And he added, “Because of the love he has for each of his sheep.” It was then that I noticed the old shepherd reach down, lift the injured lamb in his arms, and place it in a large pouch on the front of his robe. He kept stroking its head, repeating the same word over and over again. When I asked the meaning of the word, I was informed, “Oh, he is calling it by name. All of his sheep have a name, for he is their shepherd, and the good shepherds know each one of their sheep by name.”

It was as my driver predicted. The money was refused, and the old shepherd with his small flock of sheep, with the injured one tucked safely in the pouch on his robe, disappeared into the beautiful deserts of Morocco.

As we continued our journey toward the ruins, my interpreter shared with me more of the traditions and practices of the shepherds of that land. Each evening at sundown, for example, the shepherds bring their small flocks of sheep to a common enclosure where they are secured against the wolves that roam the deserts of Morocco. A single shepherd then is employed to guard the gate until morning. Then the shepherds come to the enclosure one by one, enter therein, and call forth their sheep—by name. The sheep will not hearken unto the voice of a stranger but will leave the enclosure only in the care of their true shepherd, confident and secure because the shepherd knows their names and they know his voice.

The words of the Master Shepherd rang loudly in my ears:

“But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep.

“To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out.

“And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.

“And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers” (John 10:2–5).

Quote of the day

Act now, so that a thousand years from now, when you look back at this moment, you can say this was a moment that mattered---this was a day of determination. (Neal A. Maxwell)

It needs to be said

Flora passed away last Sunday and my husband and I were able to be with her at her last moments. We had to hospitalize her the night before and through out the night and the next day, her health continued to decline until she coded when they were examining her. The doctors were able to bring her back and we were able to spend some time with her and say our good byes before she eventually passed away.

I know many don't really understand the bond a person can have with an animal. I have to be honest that Flora was the only animal that I truly bonded with. She was my responsibility and loved me and my husband unconditionally. There were no questions asked. While some might think doing all that we did and mourning for her is silly, I don't expect them to understand unless they too have experienced the unconditional love and bond that an animal can provide.

Being with her at the end was one of the most sacred experiences that I have had. I truly felt that she fought back to come back to life to see us one last time. More than anything, I think it was for us to have peace of mind. She knew us so well, and her fighting back to see us again was her way of expressing her love. I also have no doubt that she knew that we were there; her eyes lite up and she began to calm down when we entered the room.

I can not say enough about how grateful and compassionate were the staff that we dealt with at the Animal Medical Center. They did everything in their power to help Flora. They answered the million and one questions that I had and never made me feel like I was being a burden. Dr. Tripp (Flora's oncologist) was so patient with us! She answered all of our questions, calmed our concerns, and even had two lengthy conversations with us when she was off duty. She rushed to the clinic when Flora was coding (again she was off duty) and hugged us and cried with us when it was all over. Flora must have won all their hearts over, because everyone in the room was shedding a tear.  Just yesterday we received a card from them that was signed by everyone that we came in contact with at the clinic (it was well over a dozen people and they all wrote a lengthy note expressing their condolences!)

These last few weeks have been incredibly hard and stressful. Both my husband and I have experienced lose of sleep, appetite, and had to go through experiences that I hope that some may never have to go through.  Through out it all, I have been amazed by the love and prayers that I have felt from others. It kept us going. I had no idea how kind people can be, even complete strangers! All for a cat! I can not express how grateful I am for all those who prayed for us, who kept us in their thoughts, who called/text/emailed. You guys are literally the heroes in this story! I am so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people!

I am also so grateful for the love and compassion that was shown by my Heavenly Father. I have felt his tender mercies many times through out this trial. I had certain fears that I pleaded with him to not let me experience and he didn't allow them to happen. I know that he knows me personally and that he loves me. What a wonderful blessing to have that knowledge!

Flora, may God be with you until we meet again. You will be missed and never forgotten. You brought so much joy and happiness with the short three years that we had you! We were so lucky :)

Something to Remember

After Brock attended the Priesthood Session of the LDS General Conference he encouraged me to watch President Uchtdorf's talk. He told me that I would love it. The talk would bring peace to me and help me to come to an understanding of the trials that we are facing. 

I chuckled when I heard the topic. Then I sat in silence and listened. And then I may or may have not cried.

Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter.
... patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!

Often the deep valleys of our present will be understood only by looking back on them from the mountains of our future experience. Often we can’t see the Lord’s hand in our lives until long after trials have passed. Often the most difficult times of our lives are essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness.
Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith.

The night before this talk was given, I was expressing to Brock how I was so tired of all the trials. One after another they kept coming.  I was tired and I didn't have any patience left in me. I wanted to see results and I wanted to see them now.

It's funny to me how the Lord answers my prayers. The talk that was given has stayed with me since I first heard it.  I have an understanding that the trials that we have in our lives are essential; they are there to make us happier people.

Last Saturday I attended a baby shower of a friend of mine. This baby shower was in particular a special event and I was so happy that I was asked to be in attendance.

I had the opportunity to hold baby L for quite a bit of time. He was one of the most beautiful babies I have ever held. As I sat there and held him, I began to think of Presedient Uchtdorf's talk.  I began to think of what my friend had to face to become baby L's mother. She went literally to the ends of the earth to bring him in to her family. After two failed adoptions and years of waiting, her patience and trials were greatly awarded.  

I know that the things that I face in my life are far different than other people's trials. They are not greater or lesser. The trials that I have were especially given to me. I know that the Lord has faith in me, I just need to have faith in myself.  I know that if I continue to actively endure, pray, hope, and do everything in my powers, that the reward will be far greater than the trial.

He Lives!

I bear testimony that I know that the Savior Jesus Christ lives! With his atoning sacrifice and resurrection we are able to conquer death and return once more to our Father in Heaven.I am grateful for this sweet gift, it has brought much peace and joy into my life.

I've Got a Thing for Owls

I went Visiting Teaching and it's a goal that I need to work harder on. I have a hard time making the effort to go out and spend time with the ladies on my list. I meet up with a little old lady that I have promised myself  a million times over that I would visit but never came around to it. 

Sister C. greeted me at the door with a hug, me being a complete stranger to her. It made me want to work harder on my outlook on meeting people for the first time. Everyone deserves a warm welcome, no matter how long you have known them.

She talked about her yard, her quilts, her husband and her children. She told me about her past struggles with infertility, adoption and the feeling of being lonely at times. She was so positive about it, expressing that every trial that she had, had a purpose.

Sister C. kept laughing and telling me that I probably thought that she was a crazy old lady. I was fascinated. There is something about people's life storytelling that captivates me and I lose all track of my time.

There were about a 100 owl figurines in her home. Each one had a back story, some sort of history to it. I have a thing for owls, I think they are charming. I told her that I loved that she collected them, because I love them too.  It's something that we had in common, a mutual ground between an 84 year old and a 25 year old.

She handed me an owl salt and pepper shaker set. Sister C. told me that her brother gave them to her and that they came from Alaska. I couldn't take them from her but she expressed to me that her time to leave this earth is soon approaching and there is no real point in keeping them. She was preparing for her "final move" as she called it.

I continue to be fascinated by the older generation and the way they prepare for their "final move." Many are at peace with it and at times I feel that they are even excited. It's really weird to me.

What I did learn from the visit is that I'm young and healthy and have so much more to learn. I need to make more memories and enjoy life more. Yea there will always be trials and stress but when I look back at my life I want to share joyful memories.  Although I fear being old, I'm kinda excited about becoming an 84 year old woman who will have stories that will captivate a 25 year old.

By the way, I regret not visiting her earlier on. The visit was exactly what I needed to get excited about Visiting Teaching.

Do You Know Who You Are?

Have you ever wondered about your family history? Maybe if there was someone heroic that you are related to? From time to time I would think about it, but never really showed much interest.

My feelings began to change a bit when I started watching shows like Who Do You Think You Are? and BYU's The Generations Project. I guess watching people's journey of discovering more about their heritage sparked an interest about having a desire to learn more about mine.

On Friday, I logged onto Family Search and I'm pretty sure I have found my new addiction. I spent hours clicking the arrows that would go from one name to another. I eventually traced my heritage all the way back to 1054 in Normandy, France.

I was also surprised to see how much work that still needs to be done. There are a couple of lines that stop after 5 generations. I can't wait to find out more and start to piece the puzzle together.

For some reason I also thought that alot of the temple work had already been done, and boy was I wrong. All of a sudden I felt a sense of urgency to get it done! Brock and I spent all day on Saturday at the Seattle Temple chipping away at it. It was an incredible experience and we have set a goal to go once a week.

Brock logged on too and traced his heritage back to the Byzantine Empire! He felt pretty bummed when he saw that most of his genealogy had already been done. I guess that's what you get when there are a bunch of Mormons in your family :)

I'm excited to be part of this great work! The knowledge that I will gain will be a great blessing to me and my family.

Discovery

Here is a fact, nothing will turn out the way you think it will. Nothing. It will either be a disappointment or completely out of this world.

I plan my life out into details, which come to think of it, it's so bizarre. I have no idea why I am so compelled to do such things.

For the longest time I have tried to shape and mold myself into someone that I can not possibly be. The truth is, that I'm loud and obnoxious and not quite and lady like. I worried what people thought of me. The idea that someone could not like me frightened me. I tried hard to change things about myself just so I could be liked by everyone (which is so beyond annoying). I literally thought about it all the time.

Then I went to Europe. By myself. It was the perfect opportunity for me just to be me. The majority of the time I was there, I stayed with people that hadn't known me before. It was my chance to be the person I really was, loud and care free. And the people that I stayed with loved me. Not the Layla, that I was trying to become, but the Layla that I already was.

When I was in England, I had the chance to spend time with a lovely lady, which by the end of the evening I was overcome with complete adoration for her. I found myself telling her everything, from my joys to my deepest secrets. With tears in her eyes she told me how much she had already grown to love me and how I just needed to stop and enjoy the ride, life was meant to be enjoyed.

The following Sunday after I had arrived back to the USA, my husband and I along with his parents attended a special Stake Conference. There, our Stake President spoke about honesty and integrity. He asked the question about how honest were we being with ourselves. I soon realized that by trying to become someone that I wasn't, I wasn't at all being honest with myself.  I was lacking integrity. I grew to dislike myself so much, because I couldn't stand what I was putting myself through.

When I was in Europe, I was the happiest I had been in a long long time. I smiled and joked around and felt so much like me again. I grew to love myself so passionately that I never want to go back to trying to change myself.

I've learned that I've got amazing qualities. I'm a beautiful person through and though and my smile is my best feature. I've learned that my Father in Heaven is pleased with me. He loves me and I in return should love myself.

It's OK if people don't like me. I'm OK with that. I will be cordial and polite, but I will never change who I am for them to be pleased with me. I will never risk my beliefs to be accepted. Never.

I'm grateful that I had this experience of discovery. I will never forget it.

The Value of Life

Have you ever known someone that you cared about to have suffered from a terminal illness? It's a very painful experience to sit back and hope and pray because that is all that you can do.

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A friend of mine is currently in that very situation. A dear friend of hers is dying of leukemia, literally has weeks to live. If she receives a bone marrow transplant, her survival rate will increase up to 60%.

The problem is that she is an international student and has no insurance. She can't afford the $350,000 surgery that will most likely save her life. But with your help her survival rate could change.

Read her incredible story, spread the word, and please donate whatever you can. You can be a hero and give a young lady the bright future that she always dreamed of.