My President

I remember the night clearly when President Obama was elected in 2008. I was 24 years old, less jaded and felt so much hope for the future. I  had never been inspired by a political figure until I started following the Obama campaign and he sparked a sense of urgency within me--I wanted to do more, work harder, and give back. I recall waiting patiently for the results to return and holding my breath that we, citizen's of the United States of America would elect our first black president. And we did, and I have never been so proud of our country. I cried and I could feel the momentum of progress deep within my bones.

When I was 12 years old, my family left the Middle East and moved to the Deep South. Some of the most painful experiences of  my life happened at a young age and my experiences are no where close to what others have experienced.  I was clearly different from my classmates and it was pointed out to me several times. GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM. YOU DON'T BELONG HERE. And when someone spat in my face and called me a sand n*** I was confused and traumatized. I remember going home and asking my mom what that word meant and before I could clarify that someone had called me that she had grabbed me by the arm and scolded me "DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!"

When President Obama was elected to be the first black president of the United States, I felt so much hope and courage. Our nation was stepping away from racism and my future children will live in a much different world than I did.

President Obama taught me to have courage, my voice matters, and it is a great responsibility to fight for the underserved. Because of him I am no longer afraid to say that I am feminist (the patriarchy really ingrained in me that was a dirty word!).  I left my corporate job to work in the nonprofit world because I was inspired by his service and I believed that I needed to be involved in something bigger than myself. He was an incredible example of marriage and what a parent should be like. He believed in equality for all and changed the lives of many Americans. The lives of LGBTQ citizens are better because of his fight, women's issues and rights were at the center of his Administration, healthcare for those who were previously denied access to, took on the challenge of climate change, a proponent for immigration and refugee reform,  rejected discrimination against Muslims and advocated for Palestinian rights for a two state system (although, this was somewhat late in the game). I love the Obamas and my life is better because of his administration.

At 24 years old I believed that our nation had drastically stepped away from racism and bigotry. I do believe that we have come a long way but the fight is not over. In the last year we have seen a rise in hate crimes and fear of safety for self and others are far too common. I can not tolerate this behavior. I can not sit back and allow hateful behavior to be a normal part of American life. I am driven by justice and equality for all.

In President Obama's farewell speech he asked us to "Show up. Dive in. Stay at it."

I can promise you I will. #ThanksObama

Where I Am From

I am from desert sand and tumble weeds, hot air and cold nights.

I am from scrubbing floors, babies, and cousins that I don't even know.

I am from late nights of coffee drinking and fortune telling,

listening to the call of prayer in the early morning.

I am from open spaces and thick trees,

miles and miles to civilization.

I am from fried green tomatoes and corn bread, eaten on the front porch swing,

crickets chirping and fresh cut grass.

I am from heavy coated accents, a division of black, white, and brown.

I'm from a new religion and an old religion; both intertwined with drives of guilt and shame.

The foundations control me and  push me away.

Motherhood is my only divine role and men have the final say.

I push the boundaries in search of freedom, only to have the noose tightened.

I am a misfit and a rebel with fear of abandonment.

I am from my mother and my father.

I am from two cultures that fit together, 

two cultures that collide.  

10 Years

I really love this picture that Tysha took of us last summer, it's perfection.

10 years of an extraordinary life-beyond what I could ever imagine.

Here's a break down of those years (I am a total data nerd)

10 Years:

10 jobs combined

8 countries visited

3 states that we lived in 

2 mortgages

2 cars

19 states visited

3 cats

2 bachelor degrees 

1 hot air balloon ride

1 helicopter ride

5 weddings

3 funerals

3 apts

1 Ragnar

3 half marathons
1 application to grad school
Became serious concert junkies- I lost track of how many bands we have seen!
3 new nieces and nephews (two to be added soon!)
3 new sibling in laws
and 1 beta fish that I killed in a matter of 30 min...may he rest in peace.

It's been nuts! A good nut. 

10 years. 3650 days. 87600 hour. 5256000 minutes.

I am so glad that I am on this journey with you Brock.

It's a good life

Oh how have I missed this blog. A year break is a long long break. Well it has been more like a 2 year break.

In these past two years life has changed and changed and changed and I could have never imagined the direction it has gone.

I've learned to run really long distances. I've also injured myself and I'm now on a break from running. I miss it so much that sometimes I get depressed thinking about how I have to wait. Physical therapy has been hard but I have seen so much improvement.

I've traveled a lot. I am grateful for those experiences.  I love meeting new people, experiencing new places and falling in love with new cultures. I travel quite a bit for work and I'm always eager to go back and experience those places with CB. I love traveling with him, especially to new places. Sharing those experiences and being able to think back to them is such an intimate thing for me. When I was younger, I traveled alot with my family. When we have kids, I want those experiences for my children.  Just because you have kids, does not mean that travel is out of the question.

I am no longer a member of a congregation of the ward that I have been in for the last five years. The boundaries changed, and I am in a completely new stake. The Greenwood Ward was an incredible ward that I felt very much at home with. It allowed me to serve, make new friends, and question my faith. I have been kinda lost with out it but our new ward is pretty great too. The Woodland Park Ward is very similar and very different. It will just take time for me to feel just as comfortable as I have been in the Greenwood Ward.

I have been at a constant battle with my faith. There are times I wonder why I even bother. There are things that I don't understand and I have wrestled with over and over. I feel like in the last two years, there has been a significant shift in my faith. I am not as orthodox as I used to be. I used to feel guilty about everything and I don't feel that way anymore. I would also say that I do not think I am a literal believer anymore. I feel more at ease in the shades of grey and I think that is why I keep going. This talk helped me decide to stay.

I've lost many loved ones that were dear to my heart and I miss them daily. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about them. Death can be earth shattering. There have been days that I think that I  would have never thought that they would be gone so soon.

We bought a house. A house that we can stay in for a very very long time. It is in my favorite neighborhood of all of Seattle. I feel blessed. It has been the best journey learning how to make it more of our home. I have become a pro at painting, decorating, and shopping for used furniture. I never thought that we would ever be able to buy another house, not for at least another 10 years. Bless Amazon stock.

My baby brother got married! I am beyond excited to have a new sister in the family. So weird that he is married with a grown up job and grown up responsibilities.

In less than one month I will be turning 30. I am nervous and excited. 30 is serious. 30s is  very grown up. 30s means that you better have your crap together.  My 20s have been so hard and so good to me. I'm spending my last week of my 20s in NYC with one of my best friends. It will be a great way to bid farewell and to turn a page to becoming more serious and getting my crap together :)

I'll probably come back in another two years and keep you posted on how things are going. For now, you can follow me on instagram. You can blame it for killing my blog.

Random Facts

Back in January (I KNOW!!!) the most lovely Brooklyn from Hoot Knows nominated me for the Liebster Award.  There are three parts to this award. The first part asks for me to share eleven facts about myself; the second part asks me to answer questions provided by Brooklyn that are listed below; and for the third part I am supposed to nominate eleven people who have blogs that match a certain criteria.  

so here we go...

Part 1:

11 Facts. 

• I have a fear of velvet. It makes me cringe like nothing else. I can't tolerate it. If I am even around it, I feel like I am suffocating. For this reason I do not like peaches.
• I am a concert junkie. I love love love music. Especially live music. 
• I would rather travel the world than have material possessions. 
• I am my biggest enemy. I have often been described as extremely confident, but in reality, I am not. 
• I teach Sunday School to little kids. I love every minute of it. I'm not even kidding folks. Before teaching Sunday School to little kids, I never really liked being around children.
• I am fascinated with birth. It scares the living heck out of me.
• If you ever need to borrow a tube of red lipstick, I am your girl. I counted ten tubes the other day.
• I love sushi. 
• Owls have a special place in my heart. I loved them before they became super trendy. Like back in 2006.  
• I recently took a DNA test that revealed to me that I am 25% Italian. I've always described myself as half Middle Eastern. In reality, I am only 8% Middle Eastern. 
• Florence, Italy is my favorite place in the whole world. I died and went to heaven the first time I visited. It is magical beyond description. 

Part 2:

Brooklyn's Questions

1. What is your favorite bible verse? 

Joshua 1:9 

2. How did you meet your spouse?

I met my spouse at a church dance when I was 14. He had just moved to LA from California and I was instantly drawn to him.

3. What is something cool about your job?

I travel the country to meet with clients. If you know me well, you know how much I love to travel. 

4. What is your favorite dessert? Please share the recipe.
I don't have a specific favorite dessert, but I do love this pumpkin pie as of late. 

5. What is the best advice you would give to a couple just getting married?

Don't talk bad about each other to others. 

6. Where is your favorite place to travel?

I went to Italy this past summer and I fell madly in love with it. It will always hold a special place in my heart. 

7. What made you decide to live in your current city?

We moved to Seattle because of my husband's job. I can't imagine living any where else. The rain does so much for my soul. 

8. Describe your personal style in one word.

Eclectic

9. What is your favorite childhood memory?

My favorite childhood memory were the summers that I spent with my cousins. My dad comes from a large family and the summers were always filled with fun times. 

10. What is a past-time that you love?

I love going to concerts and listening to music. I'm a serious concert junkie. 

11. If you could meet one person, who would it be?

This is a hard one. I wish that I had the opportunity to have meet both of my grandfathers. I have heard nothing but respect and praise about both of them.  

Part 3: 
My questions. Think about them. answer them. 

Questions:

1. If you could be anything, what would you be?
2. What is your favorite book? Why?
3. What chore do you hate doing the most? 
4. If you could choose anyone to be your mentor who would it be? Why?
5. Name one song that best describes your life right now. 
6. If you could wake up tomorrow anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why?
7. What is your favorite meal?
8. If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing that you would do? 
9. Do you have a celebrity crush? If so, who? 
10. What is the best gift that was given to you? 
11. If you could go to any moment in time, what would it be? Why? 

Day Dreaming

I have a cold from hell and all I can think about is being somewhere far away. Like Italy.  I went there once. Did you know that?

I wonder if I could convince CB to run away with me?

Adulthood

Today it finally sunk in that my husband is in the bishopric. I guess this means we are adults for sure. So weird.

I can't shake this feeling

The other night I was shuffling along in my kitchen while CB was sitting at the bar and I sighed really loud. He asked what's up and I explained to him that I just didn't know, I couldn't shake this feeling that I had.

"I'm just so bored with my life!" I murmured.  He chuckled and said "Same here, I've had this odd feeling for awhile."

So we sat there and thought of ideas to make our lives so un-boring.
We could buy a new TV!
Fancy car?
Save up for a house!
Move to another apt...another city...another state...another country!
Start a family? We thought about it for two minutes and both said "nah" at the same time. Terrifying territory...for so many reasons. Although, we are in a better state now than we have ever been to make this happen.
More yoga, more running, more crossfit. 

We debunked everything and still was not able to pinpoint what could shake things up.

One of CB's cousin told me that if she could be me for just one week it would be the best thing ever! I was like umm nope, you don't want to be me...I live a BORING life.

I shared my boredom situation with one of my coworkers and she just laughed at me. "You are the busiest person I know! You are constantly going to concerts, doing yoga, running, crossfit, a million book clubs, church stuff, traveling. For crying out loud you are going to Italy!"

Yikes.

Man, I sounded so pathetic. I just don't understand why I can't shake this feeling. No matter what I do, I just have this pit of a feeling that won't go away. In the last couple of years I have worked really hard to accomplish several goals. Both CB and I set some goals that we knew would take ALOT of time and energy to accomplish. Now that those are accomplished,  I'm left shuffling my feet.

Maybe it is time to set some new goals? Does anyone else ever go through this? Suggestions?

Blegh

I am such a complainer. Someone punch me already.

Rockin' Out Tuesday- Nico Stai

Thanks to my obsession with Spotify, I was introduced to Nico Stai a couple of weeks back. I love his voice and I have yet to find a song by him that I don't care for. So far my favorites are Maybe, Maybe and The Skies Over Your Head. Did I mention he is a Spaniard? Dreamy.

It feels like home

I've been on this crazy ride with CB for the last 8 years and I could not have asked for more!

We send awesome text messages to each other.

Have the best inside jokes.

Disagree on TV shows, but agree on music 90.5% of the time.

He forces me to eat kale. I force him to eat my cupcakes. Not really.

Our cats mind him and ignore me. Hmph

I'm always right no matter what. He just nods his head and smiles.

We talk about our bodily functions often. It's mostly me that is talking.

Sometimes I pick arguments with him out of sheer boredom. He plays along and then usually tells me to read a book. We then hug it out.

We buckle down and make hard decisions like a perfect team.

He judges my outfits and I roll my eyes. He dresses better than me.

He tried to teach me how to bake bread and I taught him how to cut an onion.

There have been many times that we have skipped dinner and gone straight to ice cream. Cause we can.

I'm so lucky that he picked ME! He picked me! I am completely over the moon! It feels like home with him. To eternity and beyond!

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you're not alone
Cause I am going to make this place your home