Saturday, April 05, 2008

About a Person I Really Never Knew

I don't know why I am writing this, and maybe I'm sharing too much information. I find that writing on my blog brings me comfort knowing that I'm sharing my feelings with others. Someone once told me that when something tragic happens or you see something disturbing, a way to heal yourself is by somehow sharing that experience. So that is what I'm about to do.
My mother called me earlier today. She sounded different. She told me that my cousin Paula had called her. You see this particular cousin hasn't talked to any one in the family for over seventeen years. The last time I saw her was at my grandma's funeral when I was seven years old. I found it odd that she called. My mom said that the reason why she called is because my Aunt Linda had died on Tuesday night. Along with Paula, we haven't seen or heard from my Aunt Linda for seventeen years. We didn't even know where she lived until Paula called and told us that she had lived in Phoenix, AZ. My Aunt Linda had chosen not to speak to any one in the family because of some stupid misunderstanding that happened over 25 years ago. Everyone had already forgiven her, but she still had no interest in being part of the family. It broke my heart when I learned that Paula had asked about her family. Something that she was forbidden to do for seventeen years because she was so loyal to her mother.
After my mom told me this I asked her how she felt. There was silence. Then she said, "Is it bad of me that I'm not sad?" I didn't know what to say. I knew that my mom was torn. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling. I replied, "No mom, it's not." That is when she lost it. That's when she brooked down and sobbed for the first time since she found out her sister had passed away. I didn't have to ask her what she felt, because I knew how she felt when she made me promise her to always stay in touch with my siblings when she passed away.
My heart is filled with sorrow and thankfulness. I didn't know my aunt very well but I had a desire to know her. I have hope that I will be able to meet my cousin as an adult and get to know her. I know it will take time, but I am looking forward to expressing my love and support to my long lost cousin. I'm also thankful for the gospel and the principles that have changed my life. I know that without the gospel I would be lost. Through my Savior Jesus Christ I am filled with happiness, joy, and most importantly hope.

5 Grass Lovers:

Brock said...

It's funny how little things that happened a long time ago have a big affect over time.

The Domestic Goddess said...

What a sweet blog. You are one great girl that I am honored to know!

Arielle said...

What Brock said applies to church too. Someone gets offended or mad over something so small that they leave the church but then their kid and grandkids are affected too. That happened in Matt's family. You have a great attitude about this whole situation!

Brock said...

Yeah that happened in my family. My great great grandfather saw his bishop getting rough with his horse...... the result?... that side of the family has been bitter towards the church until my mom's generation.

Sonja said...

Layla,
I'm so sorry about your Aunt. Sorry that you didn't really get to know her and sorry for your mother's broken heart.

I'm also thankful for the life changing principles of the gospel and the life saving atonement of the Savior.