About a Person I Really Never Knew

I don't know why I am writing this, and maybe I'm sharing too much information. I find that writing on my blog brings me comfort knowing that I'm sharing my feelings with others. Someone once told me that when something tragic happens or you see something disturbing, a way to heal yourself is by somehow sharing that experience. So that is what I'm about to do.
My mother called me earlier today. She sounded different. She told me that my cousin Paula had called her. You see this particular cousin hasn't talked to any one in the family for over seventeen years. The last time I saw her was at my grandma's funeral when I was seven years old. I found it odd that she called. My mom said that the reason why she called is because my Aunt Linda had died on Tuesday night. Along with Paula, we haven't seen or heard from my Aunt Linda for seventeen years. We didn't even know where she lived until Paula called and told us that she had lived in Phoenix, AZ. My Aunt Linda had chosen not to speak to any one in the family because of some stupid misunderstanding that happened over 25 years ago. Everyone had already forgiven her, but she still had no interest in being part of the family. It broke my heart when I learned that Paula had asked about her family. Something that she was forbidden to do for seventeen years because she was so loyal to her mother.
After my mom told me this I asked her how she felt. There was silence. Then she said, "Is it bad of me that I'm not sad?" I didn't know what to say. I knew that my mom was torn. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling. I replied, "No mom, it's not." That is when she lost it. That's when she brooked down and sobbed for the first time since she found out her sister had passed away. I didn't have to ask her what she felt, because I knew how she felt when she made me promise her to always stay in touch with my siblings when she passed away.
My heart is filled with sorrow and thankfulness. I didn't know my aunt very well but I had a desire to know her. I have hope that I will be able to meet my cousin as an adult and get to know her. I know it will take time, but I am looking forward to expressing my love and support to my long lost cousin. I'm also thankful for the gospel and the principles that have changed my life. I know that without the gospel I would be lost. Through my Savior Jesus Christ I am filled with happiness, joy, and most importantly hope.